Chuck Norris Vs The Sith and Jedi

Chuck Norris Vs The Sith and The Jedi

Here’s a match I would love to see. Only because as much as the Internet seems to think that Chuck can beat anyone, anything, anytime, he would get destroyed in this match and that alone would be worth the price of admission.

What say you?

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66 Comments on "Chuck Norris Vs The Sith and Jedi"

  1. darth vader January 3, 2009 at 12:27 pm -      #1

    do you fix computers

  2. Space marine January 3, 2009 at 4:30 pm -      #2

    Those jedi and sith may have their little force, but that is nothing to the awsome power of Chuck.
    And,
    Chuck is Norris.

  3. AlphaCommando January 3, 2009 at 5:41 pm -      #3

    Hmm, a 68 year old martial artist, while in good health for his age is nothing but an old man…

    vs.

    The entire pantheon of all avatars of good and evil in all SW canon and beyond….

    people have to stop with this Chuck Norris stuff…

  4. Space marine January 3, 2009 at 11:27 pm -      #4

    Well I don’t think they will. lol.

  5. Baron Somebody January 4, 2009 at 12:17 am -      #5

    A stormtrooper with it’s bad aim could beat Chuck

  6. Baron Somebody January 4, 2009 at 12:24 am -      #6

    Darth Nihilus could take him by himself, let alone ALL the Jedi and ALL the Sith…seriously

  7. Who? January 4, 2009 at 12:43 am -      #7

    They say there is no face under Darth Vader’s Helmet, There is but another lightsaber!

  8. L-W January 4, 2009 at 1:38 am -      #8

    What is this? 2005?

    Old internet jokes are still old internet jokes, period.

  9. Locutus January 4, 2009 at 2:39 am -      #9

    The only thing that can kill Chuck is himself…and that would take billions of years.

  10. Space marine January 4, 2009 at 4:27 am -      #10

    Chuck just looks at them and they Simaltaniously combust.

  11. ElectricDC January 4, 2009 at 4:57 am -      #11

    Even if all of the Jedi and Sith were to die instantly except a 13 year old Anakin with no lightsaber and limited use of the force, (light push, light pull) the Sith and Jedi would still win.

  12. HeroofTime85 January 4, 2009 at 7:14 pm -      #12

    Scary thing is that in that case, Chuck Norris would have just left a little boy alive alone, we might be about to see a new side of him. JK I truly don’t know which side to take.

  13. L-W January 4, 2009 at 8:04 pm -      #13

    Even a force Ghost could kill Chuck Norris.

    It would scare him in the shower, send him into Cardiac arrest and cause him to slip on even the shower mat the Elderly are famed for.

  14. TL January 5, 2009 at 1:08 am -      #14

    People have debate countless time on the existence of the soul. Well, it does exists and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.

  15. mandolorian January 5, 2009 at 12:18 pm -      #15

    I don’t know why people think that chuck can defeat everyone,the jedi and sih will kick his ass

  16. Only the nose knows January 5, 2009 at 5:56 pm -      #16

    Okay people it was funny like 4 years ago but this Chuck Norris crap is getting out of hand.

  17. the cheerful whale January 5, 2009 at 7:28 pm -      #17

    u must remember chuck is the hulk transformed

  18. Matapiojo January 6, 2009 at 9:10 am -      #18

    Rain

    Of

    Limbs

  19. WTF OMG ITS A SPARTAN January 6, 2009 at 11:35 am -      #19

    chuck is in no shape to fight any more….. so he taught legions of attack cats his ways so that he may live on forever in attacks…….. then he sends them out and they anihalate all of the SW uni including the empior and the weird race that comes into play years after that.

  20. Baron Somebody January 6, 2009 at 12:45 pm -      #20

    I’d put my bets on either Darth Vader choking Chuck Norris or Plo Koon stabbing his saber through Chuck’s head

  21. Baron Somebody January 6, 2009 at 1:33 pm -      #21

    I just noticed…Chuck kinda looks like Count Dooku lol

  22. hotshot January 6, 2009 at 2:08 pm -      #22

    Chuck norris is no threat he will be crushed by a little padawan

  23. spoa January 6, 2009 at 11:31 pm -      #23

    chuck would not fight the jedi or the sith he would merly destroy the thing that give them there power the force then he would make them all suffer a realistic life style a fate worse than death for any one with a sword or power…

  24. hotshot January 7, 2009 at 8:00 am -      #24

    Hey spoa ,are you a little kid or a crazy man ? stop saying that chuck norris can eat planets ,chuck norris can fly…chuck is nothing he’s an old loser

    f#ck chuck norris,
    you chuck fans must admit that he is a loser
    the jedi and sith are very strong

  25. Tim January 7, 2009 at 10:05 am -      #25

    This obviously goes to the Jedi and the Sith as just one weak jedi could easily defeat Chuck Norris. Please stop with all the Chuck Norris facts, they can still be funny but not if they’re used all the time and especially not if they’re used during serious discussions.

  26. Matapiojo January 7, 2009 at 11:41 am -      #26

    Detached anatomy

  27. nejihyuga13 January 10, 2009 at 2:33 pm -      #27

    chuck norris is seriously screwed because darth vader would lift him up then all the jedi and sith would throw their lightsabers into chuck then they would throw his body into the lava on mustafar

  28. the cheerful whale February 4, 2009 at 7:06 am -      #28

    ur all starwars nerds and nothin can come against the power of the norris beard

    victory goes to the chuckinator

    and if we are bein realistic chuck is in real life and starwars is all imaginary so it would be a karate master against little nerds like u people hu play starwars in real life

  29. L-W February 4, 2009 at 10:09 am -      #29

    Ugh. Look, if you’re going to attempt to be critical of the lifestyles of other people, especially of those who are far, far (I cannot stress this enough) more intelligent than you; try not to look like a complete retard.

    You’re the proverbial Marathon runner who crossed the finishing line two weeks after its official completion. Sure, you ran a Marathon, but in the worst sense and most demeaning manner possible. In relation, you attacked and lambasted individuals far more intelligent than yourself on the basis of their life choices., despite the fact that we completed the metaphorical marathon long before you.

    I cannot imagine how hollow it must feel, especially with such an incoherent and poorly written message associated to your name.

    In most scenarios, I would exclaim “FAIL”, but I just feel that I would be wasting my breath.

  30. Thepocalypse February 4, 2009 at 12:28 pm -      #30

    True L-W, I hate all these people who make comments like his. But I get that crap all the time. Like I know a lot about a lot of things and enjoy sci-fi, gaming, anime, etc, so everyone is like “You’re such a nerdy loser!” When they spend all day getting drunk and talking about nothing.

  31. ociee117 February 4, 2009 at 9:24 pm -      #31

    chucks beard would deflect the lasers back at them and chuck norris eats the force like popcorn chicken and he can skewer all of them with a single beard hair

  32. the cheerful whale February 5, 2009 at 12:52 am -      #32

    lol calm down nerds go stroke ur wookie or play with toilet roll lighsabers or play dungeons and dragon… and to l-w if ur all so much smarter then me then y is it u all make lifestyle choices that gets u picked on when i would be logical to avoid the lifestyle that would bring u displeasure.. so u arent that smart just a nerd

    luv
    the cheerful whale

  33. L-W February 5, 2009 at 4:08 am -      #33

    “And here he comes, plodding over the finish line three weeks after the end of the marathon. What a pathetic sight, the hopes of humanity has ceased with this lumbering sack of genetic sludge.”

    But in reality you are in fact incredibly stupid. Everything you have said thus far only betrays this fact.

    Nowhere in my original diatribe did I associate displeasure with my lifestyle, in fact I take great enjoyment from what I do and for what I can accomplish. Whether that includes designing the next generation of multi-utility air combat vehicles for the US Air Force, or just sitting down with a group of friends to bash out some quality D&D time. My life is full of pleasure and pain (As with that of any normal human), but in no shape have I inflicted the latter upon myself.

    The term Nerd denotes or defines a person who has sought academic achievement throughout life. Of that I am, and for all intents and purposes, I can actually articulate correct sentences and grammar. Unlike this:

    “and to l-w if ur all so much smarter then me then y is it u all make lifestyle choices that gets u picked on when i would be logical to avoid the lifestyle that would bring u displeasure.. so u arent that smart just a nerd”

    Indeed. The worst part is that your more than just a burden to those near you, but you’re a state burden. Every tax paying human under the banner of your current government is literally robbed and deprived of their valuable taxes to pay for a future that won’t happen.

    If you were a Horse, you would have been sent to the glue factory long ago.

  34. Thepocalypse February 5, 2009 at 6:23 pm -      #34

    Damn right L-W! He’s probably not going to end up anywhere useful, he’ll just be working a line sticking the laces in shoes somewhere while WE pay for him to survive. The so-called “nerds” pay your welfare check.

  35. the cheerful whale February 6, 2009 at 1:05 am -      #35

    yeh just so u all no im an engineer in the army. last year i pulled in 158000 after tax. and im not callin the people that actually study nerds its the ones that play d&d and starwars and stuff like that when there not studying

  36. Thepocalypse February 6, 2009 at 6:39 am -      #36

    First of all, nobody gives a crap. Second, you’re probably lying. And even if you aren’t, it doesn’t change the fact that you’re an idiot who judges people for no reason and spells like he’s in an IM conversation with a ten year old. I don’t care if you’re the president of some foreign country, you’re a waste of space.

  37. L-W February 6, 2009 at 9:07 am -      #37

    And I’m a Russian/Israelite super spy with the power to defeat entire nations with my A.I. infused Chess board, that I designed myself:

    Wich iz wy i tlk lik dis. See, i tlk like u? Dis is wut u luk lik.

  38. Matapiojo February 6, 2009 at 10:47 am -      #38

    “yeh just so u all no im an engineer in the army. last year i pulled in 158000 after tax.”

    I wish these Brain Surgeons didn’t feel like cluttering my corners of the Internet.

    First, I wish you didn’t make such a bold statement over factual information that is made readily available to the public without thinking that someone would verify.

    I am an actual federal employee of the U.S. government. I KNOW what the pay grades are, even for the armed forces, and I felt compelled to verify the ludicrous figure you just announced. I say ludicrous because I KNOW several engineers within my branch, and you sir almost doubled their pay grade in your blatant exaggerated lie.

    I am not about to make a terribly long statement on your idiocy, but here is a little link to several charts that demonstrate the average wages divided by positions and locality for the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers:
    www.payscale.com/research/US/Employer=U.S._Army_Corps_Of_Engineers/Salary

    As you can see, your “figures” are nowhere near realistic.

    Second, the mere fact that you frequent this site means that you share our interests. Somehow, you think that projecting a persona that is most likely (based on any psychological study you care to reference to) a defense mechanism to shield your own reality. The type of person you “claim” to be generally doesn’t even care about the existence of a place such as this.

    Finally, I know there are several professionals with careers within those “silly” topics such as Star Wars and D&D that are REALLY making the amount of money you just deceivingly boasted to make yourself. I am quite certain they would share a single collective chuckle at your infantile attempt at undermining their “Geekyness”.

    Just get over yourself, but most importantly, don’t be afraid of coming out of the closet with YOUR lifestyle. I’m sure someone will accept you.

    ….us geeks, we don’t want you.

  39. Cpt Olimar February 6, 2009 at 1:50 pm -      #39

    i laffed at hotshot’s post. For once he is kinda right though haha.
    Chuck is actually a really good fighter (or used to be). He’s obviously not as tough as we joke him to be… but he really earned the belts he got.

  40. Thepocalypse February 10, 2009 at 7:30 pm -      #40

    Matapiojo just won my respect completely. I applaud his immensely true psychological analysis of probably 15% of the people you meet in your lifetime. It’s really good to see a little weirdo with low self-esteem told that that is exactly what he is and nothing more. I’d like to take this time to say that all of you here on BankGambling are some of the most interesting and intelligent people I’ve ever met. I live in a bit of a hick town and 75% of the people there are pricks who do nothing but circle their driveways on ATVs for hours on end and try to degrade anyone who is different. I love having a place to talk to like-minded people and hope this site endures for years to come.

  41. cyborg pirate ninja jesus February 13, 2009 at 1:01 am -      #41

    i think if the sith and jedi fought eachother chuck could amush the last 2 while they are fighting with his machine guns. but if that doesnt happen hes a bit screwed.

    how come most of the recent posts have nothin to do with chuck or lightsabers peoples

  42. Hamstring July 18, 2009 at 9:37 pm -      #42

    Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

  43. wtf bomber July 26, 2009 at 2:49 pm -      #43

    Chuck would pick up Yoda, punt him into a giant group of jedi/sith, and the resulting worm hole would rip apart the space/time continuum

  44. Dante Chief July 30, 2009 at 9:04 am -      #44

    Chuck Norris will crush them with one pinky.

  45. Emilio August 8, 2009 at 4:47 am -      #45

    chuck norris is the force there fore he wins

  46. ociee117 August 13, 2009 at 5:55 pm -      #46

    is it legend chuck norris or real chuck norris either way chuck wins

  47. Anti_Halo_Fanboy October 10, 2009 at 11:10 pm -      #47

    God, the people voting for chuck noris are just repeating the same thing over and over again.

    I nominate the jedi and sith for the BankGambling award. Because in reality chuck noris will die, it is 1 vs millions.
    Just needs a padawan to kill chuck noris.

  48. atlantis January 9, 2010 at 11:27 pm -      #48

    can you guys please not put every one down all the time I would appreciate it

  49. atlantis January 9, 2010 at 11:29 pm -      #49

    this being negative and sassy is worse than me and I’m a pessimist… most of the time

  50. Ryushi February 25, 2010 at 10:01 am -      #50

    Wow this is funny how many fanboys of Chuck Norris this is, a regular Sith could kill him with hmmmm the force???

  51. Envoy February 25, 2010 at 11:16 am -      #51

    “Wow this is funny how many fanboys of Chuck Norris this is, a regular Sith could kill him with hmmmm the force???”
    Little know fact….the force is ACTUALLY the fumes of Chuck’s crap that fuled a giant star that exploded giving birth to the ENTIRE SW universe. Chuck will snack on the Jedi, devour the sith, and shit out another universe.

    Chuck wins, as always.

  52. Ryushi March 1, 2010 at 11:07 am -      #52

    Nope heres how I see it Envoy: Chuck Norris trys to go into space to go kill some Jedi and crash lands on a planet with Rancors, then they eat him.

  53. random! April 19, 2010 at 12:38 pm -      #53

    since i like both and “there are really three side’s to the force the light, the dark and the chuck norris side i think its a tie(or mabye they could team up and PWN everybody!LOL)

  54. random! April 19, 2010 at 1:54 pm -      #54

    how about this they realize there equal and then team up and start pwning everyone i got it superman vs chuck norris,the jedi and the sith!(epicness!)

  55. bluefireXD June 28, 2010 at 10:13 am -      #55

    Okay.

    I know the Chuck Norris jokes have gotten old and out of hand, but this thread was made, purely, as a joke. This is not offensive, but some people on this thread (such as metapiojo and L-W [great minded people]) have taken it too seriously.

    Plus- Most hand sanitisers claim to kill 99.9% of germs, Chuck Norris can kill 100% of whatever the fuck he wants.

    Therefore, if we use Ultra-Omega-God-Legend Chuck Norris plus infintiy, the match would result in the annhiliation (did I spell it right?) of the force users and victory for the man with the balls of steel. But if its just normal 67 year old Chuck, he find soon find a lightsaber in his crotch. I’ve been thinking about joining BankGambling just for the hell of it.

  56. bluefireXD June 28, 2010 at 10:16 am -      #56

    Typo on my last comment, its meant to say ‘he WILL soon find…”

  57. starsteam June 28, 2010 at 10:18 am -      #57

    There is only chuck norris cause he can kill even sir dan

  58. Laharl June 28, 2010 at 11:05 am -      #58

    “There is only chuck norris cause he can kill even sir dan

  59. Laharl June 28, 2010 at 11:06 am -      #59

    i38.tinypic.com/xkq890.jpg > chuck norris

  60. YIRE LEROJ July 20, 2010 at 7:08 am -      #60

    some people are right and some are wrong, i mean come on!! chuck norris is unbeatable in the movies and when he was young he kicked ass for real in martial arts tournaments, the sith and jedi’s are also unbeatable (to non jedi’s and sith’s). but in real life they’re just actors, robots (yoda. LOL if yoda really exists i wanna learn how to use “the force!!”) haha!!. so it’s a tie when it comes to movie perspective. but in real life, if chuck was 25-30 yrs old, he would kicked george lucas’s ass and order him to make chuck the force in starwars!! LOL!! haha i will stand correct until proven stupid in my post XD haha (and chuck will be the most bad ass jedi in starwars with a lightsaber and a pistol in hand and won’t need the force for HE IS THE FORCE HAHAHAHA!!!)

  61. Neutrality July 20, 2010 at 8:21 am -      #61

    the only reason people find chuck norris jokes funny is the sheer stupidity behind such statements-it’s just his ridiculus image people find funny.

    but in all seriousness…chuck is screwed worse than the battle where it was the MC vs Dr. Manhattan

  62. thedragonreborn January 19, 2011 at 12:02 am -      #62

    god brings up the tree most important people in the earth: arnold shwarzenater,sylvester stallone, and chcuk norris. god says only one of you can take the seat beside me at my throne with me, every one of you give me a reason why you think you deverse the throne with me. armold goes first: i think that i should get to sit next you because i taught everyone how to get muscular and how to eat right. stallone goes: i think that i should get the throne next to you because i taught everyone how to defend themselves.chuck norris goes: hey i think your sitting in my seat why dont you scoot over into the pewee seat

  63. chuckforest January 19, 2011 at 12:10 am -      #63

    Nice I heard a very similiar FACT before.

  64. Patrick1209 February 27, 2011 at 5:17 pm -      #64

    Chuck Norris sneds cans of whoop ass to every jedi and sith out there. Then they open their cans, and Chuck Norris simultaneoulsy jumps out of them and roundhouse kicks everyone in the face untill they die. This ultimately brings balance to the force. The hole in the force that is created by so many deaths is then consumed by Chuck Norris who proceds to become a forcs master with a lightsaber sticking out of every straw of his beard. He then travels to beyond the Outer Rim to regain inner peace

  65. Blazing Waffles July 2, 2011 at 5:16 pm -      #65

    A 70 year old guy versus superpowered individuals who would turn him inside out single handedly in an eyeblink.

    We all know who wins here. I know it’s a joke but Chuck Norris ‘facts’ stopped being funny the instant after they started.

  66. Commander Cross October 6, 2012 at 10:08 pm -      #66

    The Power Levels would just be more Absurd than a mere case of OVER 9000-itus!!!!’

    That much is definitive.’

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