Chuck Norris Vs Vivec

Chuck Norris Vs Vivec

Suggested by NicholasF

Mementic and badass Chuck Norris will go up against famous magician and demigod Vivec (TES).

Battlefield: Coruscant (Star Wars).

Who will win?

Related Posts:



Read before commenting! We welcome constructive comments and allow any that meet our common sense criteria. This means being respectful and polite to others. It means providing helpful information that contributes to a story or discussion. It means leaving links only that substantially add further to a discussion.

Comments being disrespectful to others or otherwise violating what we believe are common sense standards of discussion can lead to the banhammer getting used. You can read more about our comments policy here.



33 Comments on "Chuck Norris Vs Vivec"

  1. pimpmage September 8, 2015 at 12:17 am -      #1

    Haha YES! Much success!
    www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3ALwKeSEYs

  2. Ninja Lowk September 8, 2015 at 12:20 am -      #2

    Is meme Chuck Norris still a thing? I thought we got past that. I mean, we have Liam Neeson now. Let’s replace Chuck with the taken guy.

  3. pimpmage September 8, 2015 at 12:21 am -      #3

    Liam is NOT chuck, he never will be.

  4. Monochrome September 8, 2015 at 12:25 am -      #4

    Pimp is this secretly you? If so you get all my love for it being a you know what match.

  5. Friendlysociopath September 8, 2015 at 12:26 am -      #5

    www.complex.com/style/50-best-chuck-norris-jokes-of-all-time/

    I think Vivec has his work cut out for him

  6. Ninja Lowk September 8, 2015 at 12:34 am -      #6

    “Liam is NOT chuck, he never will be.”

    Your right, Neeson far superior.

  7. erickyboo September 8, 2015 at 12:38 am -      #7

    Chuck Norris is a homophobe so…

  8. pimpmage September 8, 2015 at 12:42 am -      #8

    24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5s78hlVoX1qfsssio1_500.jpg

    I think chuck norris has his work cut out for him.

    Besides Vivec’s normal abilities, hes got CHIM. TLDR: He has the power of toonforce too. He sees the fourth wall and can interact with it.
    images.akamai.steamusercontent.com/ugc/487825190352203491/4A42A9E2E4D2B351CCBFD8C77B12706421009BF3/

  9. Ninja Lowk September 8, 2015 at 12:56 am -      #9

    “http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5s78hlVoX1qfsssio1_500.jpg”

    media.giphy.com/media/133tEQgc0V3Dc4/giphy.gif

  10. pimpmage September 8, 2015 at 3:35 am -      #10

    36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 20

    The first monster was actually two, having been born twice like his mother-father, Vivec. He was not the mightiest of the eight to escape Muatra, but his actions were the most worrisome. He was known as Moon Axle, and he harvested the leftovers foibles of nature. This he did twice, as was said, and the second harvest always brought ruin or unwritten law. His aspect was faceted like a polyhedron.
    No perils are mentioned in the finding of Moon Axle, but it was known that he was immune to spears, so Vivec had to use the sword not held against him. Before he took issue with the monster, the warrior-poet asked:

    ‘How came you to be immune to spears?’

    To which Moon Axle replied, ‘Mine is a dual nature, and protean. I am in fact made of many straight lines, though none last too long. In this way I have learned to ignore all true segments.’

    Luckily, the sword not held was curved and therefore could cut into Moon Axle, and before the sun was up he was bleeding from many wounds. Vivec did not slay him outright for to do so would to [sic] keep the foibles of nature within him and not back where they belonged. Soon Vivec had traced geography right again, and Moon Axle was ready to be slain.

    Vivec rose up in his giant-form, to be terrible to look upon. He reached into the west and pulled out a canyon, holding it like a horn. He reached east and ate a handful of nix hounds. Blowing their spirits through the canyon made a terrible wail, not unlike an unsolved woman. He said:

    ‘Let this overtake you,’ and Moon Axle was overtaken by the curvatures of stolen souls. They wrapped about the monster like resin, until finally he could not move, nor could his dual nature.

    Vivec said, ‘Now you are solved,’ and pierced his child with Muatra. Moon Axle had been reduced to something static, and therefore shattered.
    ——

    36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 28
    The Ruddy Man(Molag Bal), of the eight monsters, was the least complicated. He made those who wore him into mighty killers and nothing more. He existed in the physical. Only geography makes him special.

    When Vivec found him near the boy’s village, anon Gnisis, there was a violent clash of arms and an upheaval of the earth. Their battle created the West Gash. Wanderers that still go there hear still the sounds of it: sword across the crust, the grunt of God, the snapping of his monster child’s splintered legs.
    ————
    36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 33

    The citizenry of Vivec screamed as they saw a shooting star come down out of the sky hole like a toll-road of hell. But Vivec merely raised his hand and froze Lie Rock just above the city and then he pierced the monster with Muatra….

    When Nerevar returned, he saw the frozen comet above his lord’s city. He asked whether or not Vivec wanted it removed.

    ‘I would have done so myself if I wanted, silly Hortator. I shall keep it there with its last intention intact, so that if the love of the people of this city for me ever disappear, so shall the power that holds back their destruction.’

  11. Monochrome September 8, 2015 at 6:27 am -      #11

    Wow Vivec aren’t you just an attention whore? I mean damn son aren’t you Yandere? (Actual Closet Yandere Vivec)

  12. Sauroposeidon September 8, 2015 at 7:15 am -      #12

    This is how BankGambling ends.

    Not with a bang..

    But with a meme.. a chuck norris meme.

  13. Myrmidon September 8, 2015 at 8:46 am -      #13

    So is Meme Norris in play here?
    =
    Otherwise it’s an old man with some fighting skill vs a god…

  14. Rookie September 8, 2015 at 9:15 am -      #14

    Noriis wins.

  15. Friendlysociopath September 8, 2015 at 11:11 am -      #15

    I shall keep it there with its last intention intact, so that if the love of the people of this city for me ever disappear, so shall the power that holds back their destruction.’

    Wow, Vivec’s kind of an asshole.

  16. Monochrome September 8, 2015 at 11:19 am -      #16

    @Friendlysociopath
    Ya don’t say. I say he’s a Yandere in every sense of the word

  17. Friendlysociopath September 8, 2015 at 11:34 am -      #17

    Is this going to end in DB territory with us just saying, “Well shit, we just can’t measure this anymore?”

  18. Monochrome September 8, 2015 at 11:51 am -      #18

    I’d guess so….So what’s everyone up to?

  19. Malenfant September 8, 2015 at 12:18 pm -      #19

    “36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 20”

    Yes, let us employ the use of a book full of multi-layered metaphorical psychobabble nonsense designed more as an instruction manual rather than an actual description of events written by Vivec himself, someone who the real author records as a unreliable narrator (and it shows). On top of this, let’s throw in CHIM, some ill-defined metaphysical concept that is only proven to exist through the word of half-a-dozen vague and contradictory folklore and religious dogma. I see no form in which this argument can be incorrect.

  20. pimpmage September 8, 2015 at 4:12 pm -      #20

    You are making a positive claim that all the sermons are metaphorical psychobabble. Those sermons include conversations that actually happened. That correlate with events and places that actually existed. Every wiki page even includes the specific places where these events took place that can actually be visited in morrowind. And CHIM is not ill defined or vague. Quit downplaying. We debated this same thing back in TES vs LoZ. Those books were considered to be a legitimate source of feats then. Only you, and the troll NZ thought otherwise.

    factpile.com/9863-legend-zelda-vs-elder-scrolls/

  21. Monochrome September 8, 2015 at 4:20 pm -      #21

    Is there specific pages/posts to look for? Because I always find it fun to read up on TES Lore.

  22. pimpmage September 8, 2015 at 4:23 pm -      #22

    elderscrolls.wikia.com/wiki/Books_(Morrowind) Here are some morrowind books, though some of those exist is other games too. Though morrowind and other game might have books not seen in other games.

  23. Monochrome September 8, 2015 at 4:25 pm -      #23

    Thanks

  24. Monochrome September 8, 2015 at 4:55 pm -      #24

    Nope the whole thirty minutes I devoted that I was getting a headache. So screw that shit. too much AIDS in a match for me

  25. Malenfant September 8, 2015 at 5:49 pm -      #25

    “You are making a positive claim that all the sermons are metaphorical psychobabble. Those sermons include conversations that actually happened. That correlate with events and places that actually existed. Every wiki page even includes the specific places where these events took place that can actually be visited in morrowind.”

    Yes yes, we already know that many legends tend to be based on real people and places. This does not make them true whatsoever. Aside from that, events that we can draw distinctions to are usually exaggerated or skipped over. For instance, in Sermon 8, Vivec entirely misses the part where Nerevar becomes anything more than a merchant-warrior:

    “Ayem was accompanied by her husband-state, a flickering image that was channeled to her ever-changing female need. Around her were the Shouts, a guild now forgotten, who carried with them the whims of the people, for the Velothi then were still mostly good at heart. The Shouts were the counselors of Ayem and the country, though they sometimes quarreled and needed Seht to wring them into usefulness. Ayem approached Nerevar, who was by now adorned in the flags of House Indoril. He gifted her with the simulacrum of the netchiman’s wife and the egg of Vivec inside.”

    Not exactly a solid description or timeline.

    “And CHIM is not ill defined or vague.”

    You’re right. It’s ill defined and vague. I’d be happy to listen to any words you have in refutation.

    “We debated this same thing back in TES vs LoZ. Those books were considered to be a legitimate source of feats then. Only you, and the troll NZ thought otherwise.”

    No, you cannot form the basis for an argument by linking a thread and telling me no one challenged your outrageous claims. That doesn’t make me think the Sermons are credible, it makes me think that match was full of idiots.

  26. pimpmage September 8, 2015 at 6:24 pm -      #26

    “Vivec entirely misses the part where Nerevar becomes anything more than a merchant-warrior”

    That is a different Nerevar than the main character in morrowind fyi. I can respond to more later.

  27. Friendlysociopath September 8, 2015 at 6:28 pm -      #27

    Nope the whole thirty minutes I devoted that I was getting a headache.

    Ahahaha 😈

    Not sure how to work with in-game canon for Elder Scrolls- they’re written by in-game authors and so hold the possibility of being flawed.
    On the other hand, that’s pretty much all of the lore and canon of the series; and Sheogorath has shown through feats there really are that kind of powerful beings in the universe.

  28. Malenfant September 8, 2015 at 9:24 pm -      #28

    “That is a different Nerevar than the main character in morrowind fyi. I can respond to more later.”

    Yes, this is clear from the Sermons. That was never in question.

  29. Ishamael September 9, 2015 at 10:52 pm -      #29

    “Yes, let us employ the use of a book full of multi-layered metaphorical psychobabble nonsense designed more as an instruction manual rather than an actual description of events written by Vivec himself, someone who the real author records as a unreliable narrator (and it shows). On top of this, let’s throw in CHIM, some ill-defined metaphysical concept that is only proven to exist through the word of half-a-dozen vague and contradictory folklore and religious dogma. I see no form in which this argument can be incorrect.”

    Let me get this straight…you’re complaining that this ChIM is “ill-defined and vague”, and you don’t notice that Chuck Norris memes, in their entirety were made-up on the spot? They are obviously untrue, but you don’t see us complaining about ‘ambiguity’.

    I can, literally, make up a Chuch Norris meme right now, and it would technically become a canon ability for this fight. Vivec has written texts detailing certain feats (true or not), and you refuse them? Kind of silly, don’t you think?

  30. Malenfant September 9, 2015 at 11:06 pm -      #30

    “Let me get this straight…you’re complaining that this ChIM is “ill-defined and vague”, and you don’t notice that Chuck Norris memes, in their entirety were made-up on the spot? They are obviously untrue, but you don’t see us complaining about ‘ambiguity’.”

    I have yet to say a single word on the veracity of Chuck Norris texts. I have no idea why you think I’m doing anything more than attacking Vivec.

  31. Ishamael September 9, 2015 at 11:22 pm -      #31

    If you attack one and not the other, you are effectively siding with whom you are not attacking. If you attack both Vivec and Chuck Norris, then you are not contributing anything to the debate at hand.

    Thus, you are effectively wasting all of our time, making any of your comments/arguments (as to the “veracity” of either texts) void.

    Good night :)

  32. Malenfant September 10, 2015 at 6:16 pm -      #32

    “If you attack one and not the other, you are effectively siding with whom you are not attacking. If you attack both Vivec and Chuck Norris, then you are not contributing anything to the debate at hand.

    Thus, you are effectively wasting all of our time, making any of your comments/arguments (as to the “veracity” of either texts) void.”

    That’s a pretty long winded way of saying “I don’t know how to deal with your argument”. I am contributing something to this debate: the idea that the Sermons and CHIM are bullshit. If you can’t figure out how to challenge that notion don’t try squeezing around it.

  33. AmericanBadger September 13, 2015 at 8:28 pm -      #33

    Look no one beats Chuck. It’s just fact ok.

Leave A Response

You must be logged in to post a comment.


Web Design MymensinghPremium WordPress ThemesWeb Development

The Most Astounding Fact

From the one and only, Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Vincent Cochetel: Held hostage for 317 days. Amazing Message.

Vincent Cochetel: Held hostage for 317 days. Amazing Message. Watch now.

NASA’s Software Catalog

Yes, now you can build a rocket too - Actually, there is an amazing amount of free software and complete documentation on how to make and perform some amazing feats of science. I'm interested to know what Facts would do with it... Click here to get started!

Mining the Moon

It's going to happen soon - there are a ton to rare Earth Metals on that big old rock in the sky! Check out this infographic!

Michio Kaku: The Universe In a Nutshell

Fantastic video that easily explains physics of our universe: Michio Kaku - Universe in a Nutshell

Raiders of the Lost Ark – Conception Transcribed

Raiders of the Lost Ark - This is an amazing read on the thought process between George Lucas, Steven Spielberg and Lawrence Kasdan as they talk through the concepts of this amazing film. It's practically peering into the thought process of some of the most influential film makers of our day. And amazingly, shows how creative Lucas was.

Help Out Nepal

Finally a good reason to support Destiny.

Modern Gaming

Sad but true.

Curiosity Rover Spotted by Mars Orbiter on Mount Sharp

Humanity is the invading alien now...

Nope

No way I go here alone

17 Rare Star Wars Pictures

To see them, click here

Comic Con 2013 Cosplay Gallery

Just a ton of pictures of cosplayers from the 2013 Comic Con event

Ancient Aliens Map

If you ever watched the show "Ancient Aliens" and wanted a quick reference to where all the locations they mention are at, this is the site for you!

Fictional Universes Database

Soon to be shut down by Google, but here is a great starting point for Fictional Universes

99 Star Wars Pics

Some are cool, some are a bit absurd, but they are all based on Star Wars

Alternate Movie Posters

Something a bit distinct - Check them out

Epic Swiss Army Knife

Not Really...

Future Me

Write yourself an email letter to the future - Future Me

Neil Degrasse Tyson

Star Talk Radio - As always, keep looking up!