You Vs Kick-Ass

You Vs Kick-Ass

Suggested by Marche

The arena is a 15 x 80 feet alley,you start 10 feet from Kick-Ass.

Scenario 1: You can have any weapon you would be able reach in your house.

Scenario 2: You fight him empty handed.

What happens?

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82 Comments on "You Vs Kick-Ass"

  1. sadot06 September 23, 2014 at 6:26 am -      #1

    Scenario one: I shoot him.


    Scenario two: I overwhelm him with wrestling and Brazilian jujitsu.

  2. Kitten Lord September 23, 2014 at 6:34 am -      #2

    Ive not seen the movie but is kick-ass just a young man in a goofy outfit?

    Scenario one;- I can probably kill him with my cane sword or something, or bludgeon him to death with my hefty loft door extender, that thing is a heft piece of metal more like a blunt pike…it would hurt and give me reach.

    Scenario two:- Ime a bodyguard and fairly heavy , he looks kind of small so I should be able to get him to submit.

  3. Ellie Williams September 23, 2014 at 7:07 am -      #3

    Scenario 1: I get my crowbar and hit his head Half Life style.
    Scenario 2: I use my sexiness to lure him in then use the foot I use for striking soccer balls into his balls.

  4. Darth Expert September 23, 2014 at 7:13 am -      #4

    1: I knife him commando style

    2: I murder him with My Krav Maga and Judo combo.

  5. ReDruM September 23, 2014 at 7:30 am -      #5

    Doesn’t he have nerve damage and Metal laced bones that make him virtually impervious to pain? Unless you have a gun I’m fairly certain he’d get most of you before you get him.

  6. Ragnorke September 23, 2014 at 7:31 am -      #6

    Considering my arms are probably as wide as his entire body… And I regularly rock climb, wake board, & box…

    1. My biceps are the only weapon I need.
    2. My biceps are the only weapon I need.

  7. pimpmage September 23, 2014 at 7:32 am -      #7

    Yeah, this guy is pretty much super human too. Every bone in his body has been reinforced with titanium. Unless you have a gun, good luck fellas.

  8. Ragnorke September 23, 2014 at 8:06 am -      #8

    weren’t the metal rods removed by the the time of the second movie? There’s no reason for them to stay.

  9. Sauroposeidon September 23, 2014 at 8:18 am -      #9

    Despite his excellent build, I have a severe weight advantage over this kid. I have endurance on my side, and probably more training. I’ve heard he has a hard time feeling pain, but in a fight you don’t really feel pain at all so that’s not an issue. Or at least, I never did. For me, shock seems to set in pretty easily, and I can’t remember ever feeling as if something hurt when it was delivered in any of my past fights. I used to assume that this is true for everyone but either most writers have never been in a fight or I’m just unusual.

    I still think it’s mostly just that most writers have never been in a fight.

    In the first fight, I have a gundam. It doesn’t go well for him.

  10. Sauroposeidon September 23, 2014 at 8:21 am -      #10

    @Ellie

    As it turns out.. seeing someone with a little girl avatar use the tactic of “sexiness” kinda creeps me out.

    Then again, Kitten-Lord’s not-gravitar reminds me of Patrick from Spongebob. If he said something similar I’d be even more super creeped out with that mental image.

  11. pimpmage September 23, 2014 at 8:24 am -      #11

    “weren’t the metal rods removed by the the time of the second movie?”

    I dunno, were they? You don’t take those back out after being placed in anyway. I don’t see why that would be the case.

  12. mack006 September 23, 2014 at 8:29 am -      #12

    @Sauro
    “Then again, Kitten-Lord’s not-gravitar reminds me of Patrick from Spongebob. If he said something similar I’d be even more super creeped out with that mental image.”

    Like this?
    images4.fanpop.com/image/answers/1981000/1981360_1315774376333.27res_480_410.jpg

  13. Ellie Williams September 23, 2014 at 8:33 am -      #13

    @Sauroposideon
    Ellie is 19 in this fanart. And isn’t Ellie 14, or about a year younger than me? That doesn’t make her a little girl.

  14. Soulerous September 23, 2014 at 8:38 am -      #14

    I’ve never seen the movie, but I don’t see myself losing the first scenario. The second is different.
    ~
    @Sauroposeidon- “In the first fight, I have a gundam. It doesn’t go well for him.
    ~
    What? Don’t tell me you have a gundam at your house. I demand photographical evidence!
    ~
    @Ellie Williams- “I use my sexiness to lure him in
    ~
    I doubt feminine charm is going to work on someone trying to slay you. This isn’t the movies.

  15. Xornell September 23, 2014 at 9:03 am -      #15

    1. Does he even lift?
    2. He doesn’t even lift.
    You for the fp award.
    .
    Oh, btw, I’m 20 today, guise. Yaaaay.

  16. Sauroposeidon September 23, 2014 at 9:09 am -      #16

    “Like this?”

    I am too afraid to click.

    “Ellie is 19 in this fanart. And isn’t Ellie 14, or about a year younger than me? That doesn’t make her a little girl.”

    She’s still a little girl to me. Remember you may view yourself as a fully functioning teen who can make her own choices.. but there are people here who are over a decade older than you. Admin has been married longer than you’ve been alive. I’m sure you’re adorable but to some of us you’re still a kid.

  17. Rookie September 23, 2014 at 9:10 am -      #17

    I lose.

  18. Sauroposeidon September 23, 2014 at 9:26 am -      #18

    “I demand photographical evidence!”

    Nice try (insert enemy faction here), but that won’t work!

    “This isn’t the movies.”

    If you run into Kick Ass, you’re in a movie.

  19. Ninja Xtreme September 23, 2014 at 9:27 am -      #19

    Scenario 1: I tazer him. Or use my pitching skills to throw a baseball at his balls.

    Scenario 2: I’m a blue belt in karate, and he’s a comic book nerd. Guess who wins.

    @Sauroposideon
    She’s adorable enough that I became her boyfriend.

  20. Neon Lord September 23, 2014 at 9:53 am -      #20

    24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mamveaPXD91r7qxkco1_500.jpg

  21. Ellie Williams September 23, 2014 at 10:07 am -      #21

    @Sauroposideon
    Don’t get philosophical on me. How long had admin been married? Also, I agree with you, if I run into Kick-Ass I’m definitely in a movie.

  22. Soulerous September 23, 2014 at 10:26 am -      #22

    You’re not in a movie if it’s in a BankGambling match. More to the point, there’s no PIS.

  23. Hermit September 23, 2014 at 10:42 am -      #23

    If we’re going by first movie Kick-Ass, I see myself winning scenario one with my machete, but will probably have just a fifty percent chance of winning bare-handed.
    .
    Going by second movie, I’ll change it to a 40-50% chance to win scenario one and a 25% chance to win scenario 2.

  24. Cassie Hack September 23, 2014 at 10:49 am -      #24

    I will probably lose both rounds, serious underestimation of Kick-Ass here.

  25. Private Khaos September 23, 2014 at 11:04 am -      #25

    Round one: I get to finally use my buster sword!
    Round two: it’s 50/50 here

  26. pimpmage September 23, 2014 at 11:07 am -      #26

    In kickass 2, there are scenes that reveal his character to be in absolutely peak human condition. He had like 18 pecs! I would think nobody on this site is remotely as conditioned regardless of how you described yourselves so far.

  27. Friendlysociopath September 23, 2014 at 11:08 am -      #27

    But… there are no alleys in my village…
    Right, so any weapon in my house? Alright, is Kick-Ass bullet proof? I live out in the country- I have guns. If he is bullet proof, I might need to remake my flamethrower.

    Scenario 2- how does he fight? If he has titanium laced bones or some shit that’s just going to mean grapples-only, I won’t hit him. Not to mention his throat, his larynx in particular, really isn’t protected by bones. If he has regular bones structure I’ll just go with army training, punch him in the nose, throat, and balls. If he’s still up I deserve to die.

  28. Cassie Hack September 23, 2014 at 11:14 am -      #28

    He uses basic martial arts, and those sticks on his back, also as of the last movie he also wears body armor . Also yeah dude is pretty much peak human now, as of end of second movie/comic.
    —-

    Seriously the guy is an experienced crime fighter by now, might not be able to win any fight against guys like Batman, but he can hold his own pretty damn well.

  29. Soulerous September 23, 2014 at 11:31 am -      #29

    serious underestimation of Kick-Ass here.
    ~
    This is a community of nerds. Never underestimate the weapons we have around the house.

  30. Nobunaga Jin September 23, 2014 at 11:50 am -      #30

    Scenario 1: Either gut him with a machete (don’t know if that would work) or stab his eyes or throat with a kitchen knife. (Seriously though, it depends on how fast he reacts.)

    Scenario 2: I don’t know. I could drop him if he goes on the offensive, but the facts that he’s resistant to pain and has metal bones (I don’t know if the latter’s true. Don’t really read or watch kickass) will make it difficult

    On a side note, Happy Birthday, Xornell!

  31. batman3.14 September 23, 2014 at 11:58 am -      #31

    Happy birthday Xornell

  32. Ragnorke September 23, 2014 at 12:03 pm -      #32

    Ok, so how about only melee weapons? and nothing sharp?
    That should even the first round out significantly.

    “I dunno, were they? You don’t take those back out after being placed in anyway. I don’t see why that would be the case.”

    I’v had metal plates in my left forearm, and a large chunk of my right elbow.
    You do get them removed once the bone has fully healed, because as long as they’re in there… it hurts like a bitch every time that area is touched.

    They aren’t meant to REPLACE your bone, they just support it (keep it in place) while it heals.
    That said, any physical trauma is likely to just cause the bone to break again… And if the bone has already been healed, chances are the metal has already been removed.

    While i understand it’s a fictional universe, it still does follow our laws of biology & science, and still uses current day technology & medicine…
    The metal plates do not make your body any more durable, and they do not make your bones unbreakable. They are literally just there to help your body heal.

    Kick Ass might be immune to pain, but that honestly doesn’t help too much when your bones snap.
    Metal or no metal, the bones will still break, and that will heavily restrict his movement.

    @pimpmage
    “In kickass 2, there are scenes that reveal his character to be in absolutely peak human condition. He had like 18 pecs! I would think nobody on this site is remotely as conditioned regardless of how you described yourselves so far.”

    Iv posted a picture of me on this site… I’m leagues above your average skinny fucker with a six pack (yes, kick ass is your average skinny fucker with a six pack)
    Just please don’t call that guy ANYWHERE NEAR “peak human”, because he isn’t. At all. Not even close.

    @Cassie Hack
    “Seriously the guy is an experienced crime fighter by now, might not be able to win any fight against guys like Batman, but he can hold his own pretty damn well.”

    Judging by what I’ve seen in the movies, he doesn’t seem too good at what he does.

  33. Ragnorke September 23, 2014 at 12:08 pm -      #33

    AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BESTEST BUDDY IN THE BankGambling LIFER BRO LEAGUE TEAM THING!

  34. Drago September 23, 2014 at 12:17 pm -      #34

    AR-15 Colt 45 or 12 gauge. I cant decide. Either way I am going to just blow his head off in the first scenario.

    2nd, well lets see how well I am at army combatives. If I am as good as I like to think and the army didnt waste money on me I should be able to choke this guy to death.

    @Friendlysociopath don’t forget to kick him in the balls after he dies. Got to make sure he is dead.

  35. KalaDellexe September 23, 2014 at 12:25 pm -      #35

    Scenario one? You have my bow! (and my axe)!

    Scenario two? RUN AWAAAAAY.

  36. CH1C4N0444 is allergic to bullets September 23, 2014 at 12:44 pm -      #36

    Comic or movie Kick Ass? IIRC comic has slightly better feats as well as more of them.
    =
    “Oh, btw, I’m 20 today, guise. Yaaaay.”

    www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9h57OIaMFs
    =
    “Kick Ass might be immune to pain, but that honestly doesn’t help too much when your bones snap”

    How good would you say it does to protect internal organs? Cus I’ve accidentally body slammed a kid into the ground hard enough bruise his kidney(s) on soft, padded turf…
    =
    “AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BESTEST BUDDY IN THE BankGambling LIFER BRO LEAGUE TEAM THING!”

    i.imgur.com/WJuYosI.gif
    =
    Scenario 1: I don’t have weapons, mostly just kitchen knives, some non kitchen knives, some baton like sticks, and a staff. I’ll probably either go with the sticks or staff since I don’t care to give him any more range than he’s already going to have. I’m sure he’s tough, but I’ve been hit by guys bigger and stronger than him and come out ok.
    =
    Scenario 2: As I mentioned above I’ve bruised a kids kidneys from a body slam, not sure how the science behind that works, but it sounds cool at the very least, so I’m hoping it’s a usable feat for myself. So, I’m guessing I’d just grapple him to death, not sure how that one would go, but if I tend to win grappling matches. One to the death seems to give me good incentive to not loose this one.

  37. Ciridae Hunter September 23, 2014 at 1:36 pm -      #37

    Scenario One: Shoot him with a .45 or use any of my blades to slice him like a Christmas ham.

    Scenario Two: Aim for the groin or kidneys to make him double over in pain, crush his larynx with foot/his own weapons.

    Dirty fighting, ho!

    “Not sure how the science behind that works”

    If he had his back up and his stomach on the ground, then the sudden weight being slammed into it would cause the bruising; if it was the other way around (more likely since back up would mean spinal damage) then kidney would be bruised in the same way since kidneys are a notorious weak spot in fights-fun fact, if someone is stabbed in the kidney then they won’t be able to cry out in pain since the pain is too intense.

  38. CH1C4N0444 is allergic to bullets September 23, 2014 at 1:40 pm -      #38

    @Hunter It was more flat back, IIRC.

  39. GMoney September 23, 2014 at 1:43 pm -      #39

    round 1: I shoot him with my shotgun or cut him up with one of my kitchen knives.
    Round 2: Unless his titanium gives him super strength I think I could pin him down and then choke him out.

  40. Warlock Lowk September 23, 2014 at 2:15 pm -      #40

    So kickass got some training from hit girl.
    static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/14/144096/3412523-9026401899-zYbr..jpg
    static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/14/144096/3412524-2931944707-zYbY..jpg

    static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/14/144096/3412573-8659827880-gx4X..jpg
    static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/14/144096/3412574-8606939738-64pE..jpg
    static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/14/144096/3412575-7353992231-c1XY..jpg

  41. erickyboo September 23, 2014 at 2:20 pm -      #41

    I haven’t fought in a while. If my friends come, I should train a bit.

    1. Sword… but not sure how it’d do.
    .
    2. I’d probably try to get on him and bite him off or something… my biggest fighting accomplishment I think was when I went behind this huge guy rapidly. Climbed behind his back and pulled down his collar as I got off him, making him fall to his knee. But that was some time ago.

    Not sure about winning…

  42. Pizzarolla September 23, 2014 at 5:23 pm -      #42

    Scenario 1: Kickass flexes and throws out some sort of cheesy oneliner. I casually pull out my .40, loaded with long rifle hollow points and shoot him in the chest. The end.

    Scenario 2: Kickass is already dead from Scenario 1. Fighting a corpse empty handed isn’t too difficult. I proceed to rip his face off and wear it around town. At least this way I can plead insanity in court.

  43. The Amazing Dualgunner September 23, 2014 at 5:33 pm -      #43

    I feel the need to point out I am a casual planetbuster who can go ftl on a whim. Want feats? I just touched you. I did it again. And again. Geeze you never turn away from this text do you? Now I stole your sandwich. BLT. Mmmmmm.

  44. CH1C4N0444 is allergic to bullets September 23, 2014 at 5:45 pm -      #44

    “Now I stole your sandwich. BLT. Mmmmmm.”

    That BLT was filled with anti “casual planetbuster who can go FTL on a whim” serum that disables all powers and abilities of such people and turns them into cute direwolf puppies for the rest of their lies.

  45. Ellie Williams September 23, 2014 at 6:06 pm -      #45

    Happy Birthday Xornell!

  46. Alpha or Omega September 23, 2014 at 6:08 pm -      #46

    Happy Birthday Xornell!
    This is so off topic, but y’know. Birthdays.

  47. Rhododendron September 23, 2014 at 6:42 pm -      #47

    Happy birthday! ^_^ have a great day bud.
    ——–
    @on-topic
    round one would be pretty easy is i fashion a simple mid-ranged weapon…or just used a simple axe lol

    Round twos more interesting, if his training with hitgirl is in this match it might be tough, however I’m stronger then you’d think for a guy with my shaggyesq physique. i’ve got a bro with messed up nerve I’ve spared with too so thats not really gonna help him in the match.

  48. Darth Bombad September 23, 2014 at 7:12 pm -      #48

    @Xornell Happy birthday!.

    @Ellie 15 is definitely still a little girl. not trying to offend but i’m
    WAY too old to find you sexy, just an adorable child.
    But Kick-Ass might if he’s his characters (not actors) age,
    _
    As for Kick-Ass this is current him.

    static.squarespace.com/static/517835cbe4b0df66511cdfe0/t/52209bace4b0552859b3274e/1377868717438/tumblr_mrwwehSCSH1sgpjspo1_500.jpg

    He’s got alot of guns and training and his costume is now armor.
    I’d probably want a year of intense training before i try either round.

  49. CH1C4N0444 is allergic to bullets September 23, 2014 at 7:20 pm -      #49

    @Darth Unless you read the comics in which case he’s a cop now.

  50. Ninja Xtreme September 23, 2014 at 7:30 pm -      #50

    Stop calling Ellie a little girl! You’re making me think of wrong things! Also, Happy Birthday Xornell! And also, is a blue belt strong enough to beat him?

  51. Ragnorke September 23, 2014 at 7:40 pm -      #51

    “As for Kick-Ass this is current him.
    static.squarespace.com/static/517835cbe4b0df66511cdfe0/t/52209bace4b0552859b3274e/”

    Meh. He barely looks like he lifts.

  52. CH1C4N0444 is allergic to bullets September 23, 2014 at 7:54 pm -      #52

    “Meh. He barely looks like he lifts.”

    Still, I’d imagine it takes a lot to do a one armed pull up. Granted, he looks like he doesn’t weigh too much, but that’s still pretty good.

  53. Nomad September 23, 2014 at 7:59 pm -      #53

    Happy birthday Xornell!

  54. the watcher September 23, 2014 at 7:59 pm -      #54

    Do I have to have the weapon /finished/ or can it be something I could finish working on within the hour. If so, I hit him upside the head with a Tesla coil. Failing that, if it has to be completed,I have a 175 uF 10k volts capacitor in the basement. One hit from both leads would cause problems for him.

    In scenario 2, grab him by the face and drop. I don’t have to avoid injury as long as he gets it first.

    Happy Bday, Xornell.

  55. TheSorrow September 23, 2014 at 8:23 pm -      #55

    First movie version of Kickass I could easily take if I managed to stick him with my hunter’s knife. Second movie incarnation doesn’t seem nearly as promising, maybe if I got the drop on him, but I doubt it.

  56. Xornell September 23, 2014 at 8:51 pm -      #56

    Thx guise.

    “He had like 18 pecs!”

    … But wait. What? I lol’d extremely hard just imaging a guy with 9 chests all on top of each other.

    “Still, I’d imagine it takes a lot to do a one armed pull up.”

    Chin-up. He maybe weighs 150? That’s strong, but it’s not by any means impressive.

  57. mack006 September 23, 2014 at 10:43 pm -      #57

    Happy Birthday
    orewa.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/happy-birthday-cake-pictures-with-candle.jpg

    Now cut the cake

  58. Friendlysociopath September 23, 2014 at 10:47 pm -      #58

    “Still, I’d imagine it takes a lot to do a one armed pull up.”

    Technically speaking there’s probably a sweet spot between total weight and muscle and what have you. Doing anything one-armed is more a measure of balance than strength.
    *I* can do a one armed pull-up/chin-up and I have done one-armed push-ups before to spite my football playing brother- and I’ve never managed to exceed 100 pounds in weight no matter how much I eat.

  59. CH1C4N0444 is allergic to bullets September 24, 2014 at 2:08 am -      #59

    “Technically speaking there’s probably a sweet spot between total weight and muscle and what have you.”

    O, I’m sure, but there’d have to be decent amount of muscle in the mix as well.
    =
    ” Doing anything one-armed is more a measure of balance than strength.”

    Still seems like it’d take a lot of strength as well.
    =
    “*I* can do a one armed pull-up/chin-up ”

    Nice, I can’t do it myself, at least not the way Kick Ass did it.
    =
    ” I have done one-armed push-ups before”

    Ever done one leg one arm? Pretty difficult, most I’ve ever done is two each limb,
    =
    ” I’ve never managed to exceed 100 pounds in weight no matter how much I eat.”

    Lift them weights brah. Although that would explain why you can do it and I can’t. MASSIVE weight difference.

  60. CommissarRanden September 24, 2014 at 2:12 am -      #60

    Scenario 1- shoot him in the ass with my old Remington or my .45

    Scenario 2-Attack him with my Karate skills or my empty handed Eskrima skills.

    Boom! Take that ya fucking wimp. You is pretty overpowered unless you do not have any weapons or martial art experience.

  61. erickyboo September 24, 2014 at 4:51 am -      #61

    Forgot, happy birthdat xornel

  62. Warlock Lowk September 24, 2014 at 5:03 am -      #62

    “Forgot, happy birthdat xornel”

    Yeah, happy birthdat… Waitwhat?

  63. Soulerous September 24, 2014 at 7:02 am -      #63

    Happy Birthday, brother Xornell.

  64. Ragnorke September 24, 2014 at 8:28 am -      #64

    “Technically speaking there’s probably a sweet spot between total weight and muscle and what have you.”

    There’s a certain threshold for your muscle mass, once you reach that there’s no point increasing it… It ends up coming down to your Body Fat Percentage.
    The lower body fat you have, the less you weigh, and the easier it gets to lift yourself.
    Adding extra muscle is just going to drastically increase your weight, and give you diminishing returns.

    “Doing anything one-armed is more a measure of balance than strength.”

    Ehhhhhh….
    Not in pullups. There’s little to no balance involved.

    “*I* can do a one armed pull-up/chin-up and I have done one-armed push-ups before to spite my football playing brother- and I’ve never managed to exceed 100 pounds in weight no matter how much I eat.”

    I can pretty much guess what your body type is, just from reading this.

  65. OberHerr September 24, 2014 at 10:08 am -      #65

    I would sit on him. Boom. I win.

  66. VulkanMatath September 24, 2014 at 3:00 pm -      #66

    Why is it that so many people on BankGambling know martial arts and/or served in the millitary?

    Also, happy b-day Xornel(sorry if that is spelt worng, i am typing one handed on a laptop in school)

    For the match:
    1. i use my bo staff or a wood ax.
    2. i try to use my green-black belt karate skillz on him(and likely fail)

  67. Darth Bombad September 24, 2014 at 6:21 pm -      #67

    @VulkanMatath
    What are you doing with your other hand?….on second thought i don’t wanna know!.

  68. Parry Boy September 25, 2014 at 1:48 am -      #68

    Scenario one: Bullet to the ass
    Scenario two: Sue him with killing his own mother, the penalty, death.

  69. CommissarRanden September 25, 2014 at 5:18 am -      #69

    Someone earlier said melee only with no sharp edges.

    Beat him up with my metal baseball bat or my metal Doomhammer I bought from Blizzcon.

    Hello everyone. New to the site :P.

  70. Soulerous September 25, 2014 at 7:08 am -      #70

    You have an Epic Weapons Doomhammer? I am envious. Welcome to BankGambling. Here is info if you need it.

  71. Ragnorke September 25, 2014 at 10:40 am -      #71

    @CommissarRanden
    Welcome to BankGambling :3
    Considering you own a Doomhammer, i think you’ll fit right in.

    I recommend looking through the BankGambling rules page, since there’s a hefty amount of rules & fallacies you need to follow.
    It’s frustrating how many people debate and completely ignore them.

  72. VulkanMatath September 25, 2014 at 12:07 pm -      #72

    @CommissarRanden
    Greetings and salutations! Welcome, and may debates go ever in your favour.

    @DarthBombad
    My other hand was holding the computer. I was standing in front of my locker. Get yo mind out of the gutter, bru.

  73. Tarbel September 25, 2014 at 2:25 pm -      #73

    Kick-Ass (Dave) stats:

    “In The Second Film Daves fighting skills really improve when he gets trained by Mindy. Dave gets buff, becomes an expert to hand to hand combat & a pro at using his Batons. ”

    i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/06/19/article-0-1A682736000005DC-25_634x440.jpg

    “As well as a pair of batons, Dave also has a small taser which he keeps in between his batons, he is also seen using the taser to electrocute Rasul. Hit-Girl then teases him saying “That is one gay-looking taser”. At the end of the first film he is seen using a jetpack with Gatling guns and also seen using Big Daddy’s bazooka to kill Frank D’Amico. At the end of the second film he dons Big Daddy’s armour to upgrade himself whereas in the comics he has no armour but instead upgrades his batons by putting nails in them. ”

    news.toyark.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2013/07/NECA-Kick-Ass-2-Armored-Kick-Ass.jpg


    I’d probably lose both cases, and for those people who are thinking of using a gun, he has a bullet proof suit and starts from 10 feet away with two batons and a taser. Or if you wanna use the comic book version of him, where he probably is peak human considering comic books, then good luck >.>.

    Scenario 1:
    If it was any weapon that I can reach that is immediately available … well my best weapon is probably an old chinese sword replica meant for display (unsharpened so it could count as melee) or if sharp edges allowed… maybe a pocket knife.
    On the other hand if I loophole and am allowed to “reach” a “weapon” available within my house, then I could probably craft a suit of body armor made of wooden boards, duct tape, durable cloth, etc which doesn’t particularly inhibit my movement with some sharp metal objects that stick out from the fore arms of my suit and a sharpened old chinese sword replica chained to my suit. I call that weapon Despairation.
    With the first two weapon choices I would probably only have one chance to win by swinging with the sword as hard as I can from the bottom left to the upper right, to make it hard to dodge, when he comes at me or by blindly charging at him covering my head and vitals while attempting to knee his nuts and stab him in unarmored areas like his armpit, neck, groin, etc.
    If I’m allowed Despairation, I’d probably do the same thing I would with just the unsharpened sword except with more chances to do so while hopefully getting more adrenaline from getting hit by his batons. And possibly get into a ground fight where I could get him into a good submission or chokehold where a piece of metal on my forearm could crush his trachea. Meanwhile some wood and thick clothing can prevent me from getting tased.
    Chance of winning 3/10

    Scenario 2:
    I’m bludgeoned to death by a guy in an armored scuba suit.
    Chance of gouging an eye 1/10

  74. Blazing Waffles September 25, 2014 at 11:15 pm -      #74

    My house or my dorm? Eh, if it’s my actual house, I could grab my dad’s old shotgun. I’ve never used it but I know how to fire one, and a narrow alley wouldn’t be too difficult to shoot down.
    /
    As for scenario two, considering he’s armed and I’m not, I’d probably get my ass kicked.

  75. Paladino September 29, 2014 at 11:16 pm -      #75

    Scenario 1: I’ll take my Hatchet & Hammer to fight him or using my Machete, Collection of Knives & Kitchen Knives because I’m quite handy with Knives(including throwing them) & of course Frying Pan of Doom, Jati Oak Cane can help a lot.

    Scenario 2: 10ft is enough for me building momentum to kneecap one of his leg using my Mighty Boot maneuver, then try to grab 1 of his hand & then break it.

    Also I’m between 5’8ft 200lbs stout muscular, quite short for a dude but quick on the feet also pretty much an experienced dirty fighter also trained in Bonebreaking fighting technique from my tribe, so I absolutely can Kick Ass his Monkey Assess with little effort.

  76. Paladino September 29, 2014 at 11:50 pm -      #76

    But after watching that final battle scene from the 2nd movies (judging from his armor & fighting skill) the result will be
    Scenario1
    I still win, but it will be a food fight since The nearest weapon I could use is Jati Oak Cane, which can break after prolonged fight, using knives for throwing & improvised weapon for distraction just to make time for me to take my Hatchet, Machete & Hammer to defeat him.

    Scenario2
    Pretty much the same as my previous post, without the easy part and getting lots of injuries at the end, so 50/50.

  77. General Joshua Hundell of the Trans-Dimentional Fleet September 30, 2014 at 9:38 am -      #77

    1: the trusty 12 guage sg is very usefull for an autopsy
    2: if he had his sticks it would be close but he might win, ive been hit by similar sticks (fu**in MPs) and they hurt like crap

  78. General Joshua Hundell of the Trans-Dimentional Fleet September 30, 2014 at 2:05 pm -      #78

    sry for dbl post, but if its FP me then i am a spartan super soldier + have a gundam i dont think he stands a chance

  79. FezzesRCool11 October 3, 2014 at 3:07 am -      #79

    1. Considering I have a bearder axe hanging on the rail above my bed, sharp, and a Danish Longaxe on my wall, plus a mace on my bedside table, chain armour, and a round shield on a shelf and am trained in most of the above (I’m a medieval reenactor), I would say I win.

    2. Brown Belt in Karate is probably not going to help me against what has been described above. If it’s the Kickass in the first movie then almost anyone here could beat him. At least, from what I remember of watching the movie.

    Also, isn’t it usually a bad idea to start You vs … Matches? Don’t they usually end in scenarios like ‘And I am a 13th Dan Black Belt in Kung-Fu/Karate/Judo/Whatever’ ‘Well I am in the SAS and am awesome’?

  80. OriginalA October 3, 2014 at 4:23 am -      #80

    Scenario 1: I grab my keys… and then get into my car. Shortly there after a random citizen calls 911 because some guy in a halloween costume has been run over.

    Scenario 2: I get my ass kicked.

  81. Hermit March 1, 2015 at 4:39 pm -      #81

    Young Kick Ass:
    .
    1. Dumbbells make for some pretty dangerous gauntlets, and I’ve been working out a lot lately. 90% chance of winning.
    .
    2. Pretty sure it would be an even fight. 50-60% chance of winning.
    .
    Adult Kick Ass:
    .
    1 and 2. He lives up to his name.

    “Scenario 1: I grab my keys… and then get into my car. Shortly there after a random citizen calls 911 because some guy in a halloween costume has been run over.”
    .
    Best scenario I’ve seen.

  82. erickyboo March 1, 2015 at 6:30 pm -      #82

    So how is his defense against biting… [:p]

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